bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
