she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
