I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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