I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
