all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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