No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You made out with two different species that night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
