you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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