i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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