Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
