You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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