I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
