All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
