He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
