just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A bitchslap is in order.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
