shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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