My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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