My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
