I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
