I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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