How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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