If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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