wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
