I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
