Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
