Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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