And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
