On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
