I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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