i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
