It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
