Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
