I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
