Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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