i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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