Don't you send me to vm
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
