A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
