Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
