so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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