You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
