just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will pee on everything he values.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
