you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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