Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
