You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
