I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
