If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drake has all the answers
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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