This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
