i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
