sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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