so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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