This girl is more easily done than said...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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